Have you ever made a choice but afterward felt as though you made the wrong one? This is one habit I excel at…which, I know isn’t the best; However, I’m pretty sure it’s saved me from making bigger mistakes in life. Okay, okay, I’m getting ahead of myself!
When I was younger, I always said I wanted to be a nurse when I grew up. I knew I wanted to help others and be a caregiver, and that was what I thought would fulfill me. It’s what everyone always said I would be good at, and its “what I should do with my life”. So, that’s what I always told people I wanted to be, and everyone was very impressed and proud. That made me feel good like I was doing the right thing. Deep down though, I knew that something was off…I just couldn’t place my finger on it. Once I went off to college, the goal was to become an RN and be a career pediatric nurse. As time, semesters, and classes flew by, I started to realize the most horrifying thing I could have ever imagined: I don’t want this job. I don’t like what it entails. I’m not okay with this. I. Hate. This. CRAP. What now?!
The next few days involved lots of wine, praying, and crying over (what I thought was) wasted time, and money. Little did I know that this seemingly bad situation would lead me to not only deciding what I wanted to do, but it would also lead to a beautiful friendship. God knew what he was doing. I just wasn’t trusting that He knew what was best, silly me. Throughout the next couple of weeks, I learned that I had been gunning for the wrong dream. I was going for what everyone had told me I’d be good at…not what I actually wanted. Somehow I had been blind to it up until that point. So I started exploring my options, and finally made the choice of ST. Not only that, but I realized I was closer to a second degree as well: Science.
Having realized my actual passion, I jumped at every chance I got to take classes I needed. Coincidentally, those same classes went toward my Associate’s in Science as well! BAM! So changing my mind, heeding that “feeling in the pit of my stomach”, paid off. Let’s be real though: It was all God. I think He was basically like, “Okay kid, I love you, but you are going the COMPLETE opposite direction you’re supposed to be going, let me give you a nudge.” And that’s just what He did. Here I am today, going into the spring semester before applying! Woo!
I mentioned making a friend earlier, geez she’s great. I met her in my horrible BIO class, and we ended up being lab partners. (Went through the torture of our awful lab instructor together. It really bonded us I think.) It was so cool how much we had in common and how close we’ve gotten since that first day.
My point in all this rambling is this: Changing your mind isn’t always a sign of indecisiveness. Sometimes, I think it actually is the smarter thing to do. It shows you’re double checking yourself and the path you’re taking. And that is never ever going to be a bad thing. In looking back, you may make that friend, or realize a dream you hadn’t before. Change shouldn’t cause fear or nervousness in your heart, rather excitement and anticipation of what amazing things are to come if those changes. If you run into change whether it be in academia or anything else for that matter…take a deep breath, have a glass of wine and pray for clarity. It will come, and you’ll be better for it in the end.
(Soon to be Tori S.T.)